10 Celebrities Whose Boobs Are Just “Too Big”

You might find it surprising for COED magazine to ever admit that boobs can be “too big.” It’s just not our style. In fact, our style is exactly the opposite, most of the time. But sometimes, having a hefty chest isn’t all high fives and ice cream. No, for these celebrities, their ample bosoms have been more a hindrance than a blessing. Here are 10 Celebrities Whose Breasts Are Just “Too Big.”

1. Lindsay Lohan: “Too Big To Work”

Film chiefs where not happy with the size of Lindsay Lohans breasts and have reportedly spent $millions on CGI to reduce them for the film Herbie: Fully Loaded.

This could mean that Lindsey might find its harder to gain work in future unless she reduces her assets via surgery.

2. Dolly Parton: “Nothing But Pain”

Dolly Parton’s breasts are as famous as her country music but she says they cause her nothing but pain. The 62 year old now requires eight weeks of rest to deal with the back pain of carrying these puppies around on tour.

3. Ulrika Jonsson: “Repulsed By Her Breasts”

Ulrika Jonsson sad she was truly repulsed by her breasts during pregnancy, and said that “women with larger breasts, are often subjected to other people judging their character by their body shape.”

4. Kelly Osbourne: “I Want No Bra”

Kelly Osbourne has been open that she hates her boobs, and that she wants a size B or C so that she wont require a bra. She plans to use breast reduction surgery to achieve her goal of smaller breasts.

5. Pamela Anderson: “Wants Her Original State”

Admittedly, as attractive as she was before surgery, she would not have become the celebrity icon she is today if it was not for her large implants. However in 1999, the Baywatch star was not happy with her big breasts and chose to remove them so she could go back to her “original state”.”

6. Jodie Marsh: “Just Plain Disgusting”

If you ask us, it just looks like Jodie Marsh’s implants are too big for her breast and chest wall. It appears that she has very little actual breast tissue, just massive implants. We just think that this is just too fake looking and would propose that she should look to reduce these babies via surgery.

7. Serena Kozakura: “Too Big To Steal”

This buxom Japanese model found out that her large breasts meant she could not make a career out of burglary. A court found her innocent of a crime after it was proven that she could not squeeze through a window due to the size of her bosom.

8. Chantelle Houghton: “Second Thoughts About Surgery”

The attractive star of British celebrity big brother – Chanttelle says that she is having second thoughts about cosmetic surgery to increase her chest from a B to a 32E. She told Heat magazine that “I wish I’d never had them done.”

Poor Chantelle now has to visit a doctor twice a week to deal with the back pain of having such heavy implants.

9. Courtney Love: “Hardening And Ripples”

In case you haven’t been awake since ‘92 , Courtney love was lead singer of the 90’s band Hole and wife of now deceased Kurt Cobain. Whilst at first she was happy with her larger breasts, she later reduced their size due to breast hardening and the appearance of ripples on her boobs.

10. Chelsea Charms: “11.8kg Per Breast”

To be fair, Chelsea is not much of a celebrity, but she does have a Wikipedia page! Unlike the rest of the celebrities here, Chelsea has used her super large breasts to create a career in the entertainment industry.

Now I don’t know about you, but I think these 10000cc –11.8kg breasts are just too big! Or is “too big” just not in your vocabulary?

Hi-5: Celebrity Goths

The word “goth” has almost been phased out in popular culture, replaced with “scene,” “emo,” and the like. This is rather unfortunate, all things considered: for while many goth males are irritating, pretentious, and pathetic, goth women have the potential to embody a very special, very unusual sort of hotness. Here’s five of them.

Evan Rachel Wood

Why not start off with the most unconventional entry on the list? One wouldn’t think to classify Evan Rachel Wood as a goth: she’s got the blonde, All-American Girl look going on, and she goes by her full, three-part name (whereas many goth women tend to go by one-word pseudonyms like “Lilith” or “Cambria”).

Hell, even examining the girl’s film career results in very little gothitude. One stereotypically counterculture character in Running With Scissors notwithstanding, Wood seems to portray generally “normal” roles.

However – and this is a big however – one need only examine her choice in men to know that, deep, deep down, Wood is a princess of the night. A few months ago, Wood started dating Marilyn Manson, and recent rumors suggest that the pair might even get married. Inaccurate rumors of pedophilia aside (Manson is literally twice Wood’s age), “have you ever dated Marilyn Manson” might as well be on the top of the “Are You A Goth” questionnaire, followed immediately by “is your skin the color of: chalk/milk/stucco (circle one)”. Marilyn Manson is a somewhat decent guy – there’s nothing particularly wrong with dating him, aside from the fact that it prevents you dating men who aren’t Marilyn Manson – but it stands to reason that if you exchange bodily fluids, you must have a little bit of goth in you.

Literally.

Liz Vicious

You know what’s really hard? Typing “Liz Vicious” into Google image search and finding a picture that isn’t at least 75% comprised of vajayjay.

Given the fact that Vicious is a porn star, she embodies a very specific subculture within the Goth society: the Gothslut. She, of course, makes a living out of it, but she also personifies that one chick everybody knew in high school who, for all her fishnets and mascara and black fingernails, would be more than willing to do the deed with anyone, should they take her to a late-night screening of the Rocky Horror Picture Show and not insult The Cure.

In the realm of porn stars, Vicious is one of the more popular Goth actresses. I say “popular” loosely, because the whole goth craze hasn’t really caught on with mainstream porn (outside of occasionally dressing more popular actresses in faux-goth attire for one or two photoshoots, anyway). Still, though: she’s here, she’s goth, and she spends a great majority of her time on the Internet buck-ass naked.

Go ahead and do a Google search; I’ll wait.

Dita von Teese

Look, it’s Marilyn Manson girlfriend number two – or should I say, wife. Dita Von Teese was married to Manson for about a year, but filed from divorce for him when he started quasi-dating – wait for it – Evan Rachel Wood. On second thought, maybe Marilyn Manson is kind of a douchebag.

Anyway, Von Teese is considered one of the biggest burlesque models working in America today. It’s widely considered (and by “widely,” I mean “Wikipedia says so”) that Von Teese helped instigate the modern burlesque revival in the mainstream modeling scene. Yeah, I didn’t know there had been a revival, either.

From her dyed black hair (it’s naturally blonde) to her classic build, Von Teese is the spitting image of Bettie Page, or any other sexy burlesque model of the time. In the 1940’s, Von Teese would have been considered a popular underground sex symbol: today, she toes the line between underground and mainstream, but her intentionally retro style and damn near black-and-white body do make her something of a neo-goth. Her personality doesn’t necessarily suggest this (Manson notwithstanding), but it’s impossible to say that the same men who find Goth chicks attractive wouldn’t also find Von Teese pretty damn hot.

Asia Argento

A pretty talented chick in her own right, Asia Argento (daughter of horror legend Dario Argento) has directed and written a few films of her own, in addition to starring in everything from arthouse fare to American horror schlock (Land of the Dead).

The Italian beauty combines the body of a model with the attitude of an artist and the face of a very attractive goth who may or may not have had a heroin addiction in the past.

It’s almost erroneous to pigeonhole her into the simple “goth” stereotype, but it fits in many ways – she writes poetry, she has several tattoos (including an enormous angel on her crotch), and she writes films with titles like “The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things.” If the goth shoe fits, wear it, have a great deal of sex with it, and then ask it to speak Italian to you while you drift to sleep.

Rose McGowan

Perhaps the queen of quasi-mainstream goth chicks, Rose McGowan earned the number one spot pretty damn easily. In addition to having dated Marilyn Manson for a hell of a long time (hardly a surprise at this point in the list), the woman also starred in a TV show about goddamned witches, not to mention her appearance in one of the most nihilistic, goth-centric American films of the 1990’s (The Doom Generation – look out for the scene where a guy jerks off whilst watching two people have sex, and then licks the semen off his hand).

Additionally, McGowan’s home life seems like the sort of thing most Goths wish they could have lived through, just so they’d have an excuse to be miserable all the time. Without getting into lengthy specifics, consider the fact that Rose McGowan only did Bio-Dome to pay for her drug-addicted brother’s legal fees.

Beyond her personality, McGowan simply looks like the ideal Goth woman: she has a great body, black hair, insanely pale skin, and a face that makes one think that a plastic surgeon removed McGowan’s original face, replaced it with a makeshift model made up of Marilyn Monroe’s features, gave it a butt-chin, then smashed it with a tenderizing mallet a few times before reforming the whole thing. McGowan is one of those actresses who can look insanely hot given the right circumstances (Grindhouse), or slightly demonic in the wrong ones (the premiere for Grindhouse). Plastic surgery does that to you.