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Meghan McCain Breasts Twitter Pics Drama
Meghan McCain Breasts Twitter Pics Drama – Meghan McCain breasts pictures is creating a lot of controversy on the internet and is making Republicans very angry. Meghan McCain posted a photo revealing too much cleavage on Twitter recently.The daughter of former GOP presidential candidate John McCain who is being blasted left and right for the raunchy photo has published a piece called “Don’t Call Me a Slut.” to explain herself.
“I took a fun picture not thinking anything about what I was wearing, but apparently anything other than a pantsuit I am a slut.” She later added, “When I am alone in my apartment, I wear tank tops and sweat pants, I had no idea this makes me a ’slut’, I can’t even tell you how hurt I am.
I thought was funny and silly—and within a few hours I had caused a minor media scandal. I spent most of the next day thinking about what exactly was so shocking about the picture, why there was such an immediate and nasty overreaction. After all, it’s not like I was caught making a sex tape. I certainly didn’t pose nude for Playboy. And I hadn’t even exposed a nipple.
So why all this Sturm und Drang?
Could it be it’s because I have breasts? Because for those of you who didn’t know, I have two. They’re larger than some women’s and not as big as others. I don’t usually show off my cleavage—as I did in the photos I posted—which I will admit is not the smartest thing I have ever done. But it’s just not worth the drama it caused.
Seeing that Meghan is now a political spokesperson do you think that her photo is too risqué or does she deserve all she is getting for seeking the media’s attention?
Microsoft's plug-in puts Firefox users at risk
An add-on that Microsoft silently slipped into Mozilla's Firefox last February leaves the browser open to attack, Microsoft's security engineers acknowledged earlier this week.
One of the 13 security bulletins Microsoft released Tuesday affects not only Internet Explorer (IE), but also Firefox, thanks to a Microsoft-made plug-in pushed to Firefox users eight months ago in an update delivered via Windows Update.
"While the vulnerability is in an IE component, there is an attack vector for Firefox users as well," admitted Microsoft engineers in a post to the company's Security Research & Defense blog on Tuesday. "The reason is that .NET Framework 3.5 SP1 installs a 'Windows Presentation Foundation' plug-in in Firefox."
The Microsoft engineers described the possible threat as a "browse-and-get-owned" situation that only requires attackers to lure Firefox users to a rigged Web site.
Numerous users and experts complained when Microsoft pushed the .NET Framework 3.5 Service Pack 1 (SP1) update to users last February, including Susan Bradley, a contributor to the popular Windows Secrets newsletter.
"The .NET Framework Assistant [the name of the add-on slipped into Firefox] that results can be installed inside Firefox without your approval," Bradley noted in a Feb. 12 story. "Although it was first installed with Microsoft's Visual Studio development program, I've seen this .NET component added to Firefox as part of the .NET Family patch."
What was particularly galling to users was that once installed, the .NET add-on was virtually impossible to remove from Firefox. The usual "Disable" and "Uninstall" buttons in Firefox's add-on list were grayed out on all versions of Windows except Windows 7, leaving most users no alternative other than to root through the Windows registry, a potentially dangerous chore, since a misstep could cripple the PC. Several sites posted complicated directions on how to scrub the .NET add-on from Firefox, including Annoyances.org.
Annoyances also said the threat to Firefox users is serious. "This update adds to Firefox one of the most dangerous vulnerabilities present in all versions of Internet Explorer: the ability for Web sites to easily and quietly install software on your PC," said the hints and tips site. "Since this design flaw is one of the reasons [why] you may have originally chosen to abandon IE in favor of a safer browser like Firefox, you may wish to remove this extension with all due haste."
Specifically, the.NET plug-in switched on a Microsoft technology dubbed ClickOnce, which lets .NET apps automatically download and run inside other browsers.
Microsoft reacted to criticism about the method it used to install the Firefox add-on by issuing another update in early May that made it possible to uninstall or disable the .NET Framework Assistant. It did not, however, apologize to Firefox users for slipping the add-on into their browsers without their explicit permission -- as generally the procedure for Firefox add-ons or extensions.
This week, Microsoft did not revisit the origin of the .NET add-on, but simply told Firefox users that they should uninstall the component if they weren't able to deploy the patches provided in the MS09-054 update.
According to Microsoft, the vulnerability is "critical," and also can be exploited against users running any version of IE, including IE8.
10 Funniest Photos Of Kids Staring At Women’s Boobs
10. The “Your Boobs Have Hypnotized Me” Kid.
9. Harry Potter and the Goblet Of Boobage.
8. The “Love You Long Time” Kid.
7. The Baby Prodigy.
6. The Future Frat Boy.
5. The Hooters Kid.
4. The Reason Michael Phelps Spent So Much Time In The Water.
3. The Sneaky Kid.
2. The “You Don’t Look Anything Like Mommy” Kid.
1. The “You Just Blew My Mind” Kid.
20 Things In Nature That Look Exactly Like Boobs
20. Mushroom Boobs
Did mother nature get a… cap job?
19. Slutty Hills
That’s some fierce hair around the areolae.
18. Naughty Tree-Lady
We’re not going to make a joke about “sporting wood.” If you want that kind of crap, watch “Accidentally on Purpose” or one of the many other turd-ridden Jenna Elfman vehicles.
17. Frog with Big-Ol-’Uns
Actually, now I’m jealous. How come my pet doesn’t have bigger breasts? Is there a goldfish plastic surgeon I could see, immediately?
16. Oranges
Juicy, round oranges look hot. Plus, if you like orange-skinned women, this is about as close as you will get without hanging outside a tanning salon.
15. More Mushroom Boobs
It’s simply amazing how an ordinary fungi can have such a sexy look. I wonder if mushrooms have any other magical properties.
14. Cactus
I keep telling myself to stop groping it. I keep ending up in the emergency room.
13. Loquat Fruit
I’m pretty sure that, in some language, “loquat” translates to “motorboat.”
12. Melons
Also, note that they look like testes. I’m not sure if that excites me even more.
11. Hills “At Attention”
It must be a cold day.
10. Even More Mushrooms
Why does every mushroom look like an (albeit lopsided) rack? It’s just like those Rorschach inkblots they gave me in junior high. Boobs are all I see!
9. Chinese Cliffs
You know what they say, “Once you’ve climbed Chinese mountains… you’ll never go back.” Although, I think that saying may have originally applied to strict Chinese border enforcement policies.
8. Another Dirty Debauched Tree
This is why there aren’t more family fun days spent in the park. That and all the homeless junkies that live there.
7. Lemons
If you juxtapose two of any fruit just right, you get a tight set of headlights. I went with lemons.
6. More Fungi Boobs
In unrelated news, I found a field of mushrooms I want to marry.
5. Cactus Boobs
Cacti have always been the cocktease of the desert.
4. Magic Mountains
There’s four of them! Why is that sexy, but cows’ udders aren’t?
3. Ocean Rocks
It must be a sight when the white ocean foam gushes between them.
2. Boob Island
Many a lonely sailor has crashed their vessel between these beauties.
1. Mushrooms Again!
They’re back for the top spot. Fungi easily sport the best racks of the natural world.
Top 10 tornado videos
Tornado videos can be as powerful as tornadoes themselves, so MNN rounded up some of the wildest funnels ever caught on film. Here's our top 10 tornado video countdown -- and we saved the best for last.
Tornadoes are one of the planet's most photogenic natural disasters, and with zealous storm chasers hunting them each spring and summer, they're well-documented on YouTube. But as this year's U.S. twister season hits its peak, we decided to sift through all that funnel footage and round up the 10 videos that best convey these storms' — and storm chasers' — intensity.
Tornadoes are one of the planet's most photogenic natural disasters, and with zealous storm chasers hunting them each spring and summer, they're well-documented on YouTube. But as this year's U.S. twister season hits its peak, we decided to sift through all that funnel footage and round up the 10 videos that best convey these storms' — and storm chasers' — intensity.
10) Veteran storm chaser Jim Reed tailed this tornado across Kansas in May 2008 along with very patient intern Robin Lorenson. The funnel is impressive, but the most memorable part comes at the 3:58-minute mark, when Reed inexplicably jogs off into the tornado to end the clip.
9) If tornadoes could make promotional videos about themselves, they'd look like this. With a sunset peeking through the clouds and shimmering background music, this scene is more idyllic than intimidating. Storm chaser Roger Hill does offer a compelling case study for the delicate beauty of tornadoes, but if the next eight videos are any indication, this is the exception rather than the rule.
8) An EF5 tornado, rotating at more than 200 mph, is a rare sight even in Tornado Alley. But storm chaser Reed Timmer and friends caught up with this one — and almost vice versa. It was the most severe storm in the deadly Great Plains Tornado Outbreak of May 3, 1999, generating the strongest winds ever recorded on Earth. Timmer says this is what hooked him on storm chasing, which he's been doing for 10 years since. He's also gotten better at holding a camera steady since then. See this video for more footage of the '99 twister.
7) This giant wedge tornado was filmed a few hundred miles north of Tornado Alley in Manitoba, but it'd be right at home in Kansas or Oklahoma. It gives the storm chasers a scare until it settles into a groove and churns around in place, but what it lacks in mobility it more than makes up for with size and power.
6) Kansas' McConnell Air Force Base takes a beating in this footage of a monstrous EF5 twister in April 1991. The highlight comes in the clip's second minute, when the funnel takes a sudden turn toward the camera and roars through a parking lot just a few hundred feet away. This video shows the same tornado a little later in the town of Andover, where it killed 18 people.
5) Filmed in Ellis, Colo., in May 2007, this tornado was on a mission. The clip opens with a frantic scene — the chasers become the chased as they flee down the highway in reverse — but you can clearly see how wildly it's rotating at several points, especially between the 1:35 and 2:20 marks, when it rips apart a building and several trees.
4) This isn't the strongest or biggest tornado of our top 10, but it does run over the camera, which helps. Roger Hill carefully places us directly in the path of an approaching twister, adjusts the camera so we can see it coming, then bolts. There's a happy ending, as the clip's title gives away, when we see a presumably frightened cow safely amble out of the tornado's path.
3) This clip of a quarter-mile-wide EF4 tornado in Manchester, S.D., has been called "the most amazing tornado footage of all time," albeit by the guy who shot it. But it's Timmer again, and since his online bio says he's already seen 230 tornadoes in his decade of storm chasing, he'd probably know as well as anyone. Timmer lists this EF4 among his most "notable tornado intercepts." It was apparently also notable for someone in the background named Alex.
2) National Geographic produced this montage, which is basically its own "best tornado videos" clip. Not only does it compile a bounty of great twister footage from around the country, but it's set against a nice, subtle techno beat. Cows reacting to a tornado is as funny as you'd imagine, and watching people helplessly film their houses being obliterated is as painful as you'd imagine.
1) Jim Reed, the guy who chased a tornado on foot in our No. 10 clip, and his assistant Katie Bay discover this funnel cloud in the air above them before it touches down. They're lucky at first when it snakes away from them to land, but its invisible tip quickly becomes a roaring tornado that heads right for them.
The 5 Most Awesome (and 5 Least) "Baby" Cartoons
It's a cliche at this point that, at some point, your favorite long-running franchise is going to get revitalized and aimed at a new generation. Sometimes it works, like a Doctor Who a few years ago, or the Transformers' relaunch every 18 or so months.
In the 1980s, it took a particularly strange form in which a scene from a single movie inspired a cartoon, which in turn inspired numerous other franchises to re-invent themselves as "babies." The advantages of this are many -- new young audience, parent-friendly adorable characters, and of course a licensing bonanza. Sure, you may lose all the charm of the original, but isn't it worth it when you can have something to show kids between cereal commercials on Saturday morning network television?
THE AWESOME:
5) A Pup Named Scooby-Doo
While most of these shows are pale copies of the original characters, A Pup Named Scooby-Doo manages to both celebrate and lampoon the 1970s show while making something younger kids could watch and get. It can be viewed as extremely lazy, or a sort of quasi-genius project. Nearly every episode you see Freddy blame some random crime on a kid named Red Herring, there's always some asinine dance number, and like so many other shows, this was probably scripted every week using one basic outline. Oh, and Shaggy still always has the munchies, meaning that a certain substance was likely consistently available for the bulk of his life.
Running from 1988-91 on ABC, this show got the original's camp and repetitiveness, and threw it right back in its face. The characters are acutely aware of what's going on, and point out to you that someone did or said something because it happens all the damn time so that naturally means you've just stumbled on a major plot point. "Hey everyone, Velma said 'Jinkies'! Take a drink!"
It's either a postmodern work of genius created by tortured animators or a lazy knock-off on an earlier, more popular animated property. The show certainly didn't take itself too seriously, but most important of all, Fred was revealed to be the idiot we always knew him to be. If you didn't look up to him, take solace that at least Hank Venture did.
4) Tom & Jerry Kids
The duo of Tom and Jerry are legendary figures in children's entertainment. At times, Tom and Jerry were friends (specifically the 1970s) and as far as the rest of the time, well, it's not known for being a particularly violent show for nothing. The 1990 Fox reboot of the series kept the adversarial relationship, but made it "for kids." Do you know what constitutes taking a kid's show and making it for kids? Put a baseball cap on a cat. The world eagerly awaits Itchy & Scratchy Tots.
As you can see, the show retains the fangs-- in the case of this clip, quite literally-- of the earlier, more violent shorts. So score one for Fox for basically getting it, but really, what's with the hat? The bowtie makes sense, but the hat?
3) Muppet Babies
The granddaddy of them all! Birthed out of a single musical number in The Muppets take Manhattan, this series was arguably the most successful of the many aged-down franchises, running from 1984 to 1990 on CBS. It's also notable in that basically, nothing ever really happened, the adventures were entirely in their heads. The show didn't write down to its audience, referencing something beyond the scope of the audience's pop culture references was incredibly common. If you watched Muppet Babies in 1987, you probably aren't going to get that "The News Brothers" was a parody of an SNL sketch that was old before you were conceived. One demoralizing note for Henson trivia buffs: this series lasted longer than any other Muppets television project.
Later seasons of the show expanded the main cast of eight-- Piggy, Kermit, Gonzo, Animal, Fozzie, Scooter, Skeeter, and Rowlf-- with numerous cameos. And one of the hardest-working voice actors on the show was Dave "Cut It Out" Coulier, TV's Uncle Joey. Despite this, the show had a good run but when you're the symbol of what many cartoon fans consider to be wrong with TV animation, you don't get a place in Cartoon Valhalla. The series never answered the question, "What Happened to Skeeter?" You see, Scooter had a sister on this animated series, and it's assumed by licensed Muppet-ologists that Skeeter killed and ate Scooter, assuming his identity and powers in future series. (It should be noted that this very true fact was not verified by the Topless Robot fact-checking staff.)
2) X-Men Evolution
The original Fox Kids X-Men series is something of a legend. Perhaps you remember getting the VHS tapes from Pizza Hut. Maybe you recall all the ads for the Phoenix Saga episodes, adapting Chris Claremont's work for animation and a new generation. Kids WB's 2000 hit X-Men Evolution isn't that show.
Fact: kids love angst. Fact #2: lockers beget angst. Relocating the X-Men (and women) to a high school environment lets fans see all sorts of quibbles, because it wasn't cool enough that Nightcrawler could vanish, now he's significantly less Catholic and has a projector to hide his blue appearance. Old farts may wonder what happened with kid shows, in that now to save the world, you need to be under 16. It's a good thing they can teleport or fly, because otherwise it's going to be hard to stop the evil mutants when you need someone to give you a lift.
1) Tiny Toon Adventures
While it's not uncommon for a show to inspire a legion of fans, it is unusual for a TV show to possibly inspire a lifestyle choice. While originally heralded as an amazing joint venture between Steven Spielberg's production company and Warner Brothers animation, the after-school favorite is now largely remembered as a possible inspiration for this generation of Furries.
The show relied heavily on parody and high-school conventions, so you'd be just as likely to see an Indiana Jones spoof as you might be to see Babs being upset about something with her date with Buster. It's not every day you see a show focused on dating with characters that don't wear pants, which is generally something more commonly thought of as a piece of another country's animation history. The show reportedly had a slightly higher cost with an orchestra for its music and a higher grade of animation, which why the most irritating thing most fans may remember from the series was that the same episodes looped seemingly forever without much in the way of new stuff past the first season. 100 episodes may sound like a lot, but this was a 5-days-a-week show which ran from 1990-95, and the first 65 aired pretty much all in the first year.
Also, if you were in elementary school when this show was stripped five times a week, odds are you watched it every freaking day after you got off the school bus. Don't deny it. We know your desires.
THE LEAST AWESOME:
5) Yo! Yogi
After Yogi's Treasure Hunt was a decent syndicated success, Hanna-Barberra decided to get some of that sweet, sweet kiddie cash by taking nearly its entire cast of cartoon characters and make them "fresh" or "extreme" or whatever it was in 1991.
If the whole idea of stealing pic-a-nic baskets seemed passe, clearly, throwing on some jacket is going to make Yogi a star again. Change Jellystone Park to Jellystone Mall and you appeal to the kids, right? This didn't quite click, but the show did try out parodies of Vanilla Ice, which was a mistake because what America really wanted was to see Milli Vanilli play Wendy Koopa's birthday party.
Peter Potomus and Magillia Gorilla appeared on the show as well, but thankfully they managed to go on to a slightly better future as guests on Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law. And speaking of people who have been Harvey's clients...
4) The Flintstones Kids
Not only were The Flintstones Kids one of the most forgettable casts of characters on this list -- except for Captain Caveman (and son) -- but the most memorable thing about them is a PSA on buckling your seatbelt which got pretty decent airplay.
75 half-hour episodes were produced between '86 and '88, but defy someone to remember any of them. The great Mel Blanc provided a few voices on the show, as did a few other famous or soon-to-be-famous voice actors. Just like real kids, there were cursed diamonds, rock and roll fantasies, and the kids trying their hand at the private investigator racket. It's not like anyone needed to watch this show to know how Fred turns out, as a never-ending pitchman for cereal and vitamins long after his wife left him for someone who bought her a real garbage disposal and not some dinosaur who's going to give you lip about having a crap job.
3) James Bond Jr.
His name is James Bond Jr., and he's 007's nephew. Clearly, nobody's particularly interested in what "junior" means.
What is arguably the ultimate male fantasy escape vehicle has now been made for kids! Isn't that lovely? All of the sex double-entendres you love are now gone, but hey-- at least Jaws and Goldfinger and Oddjob stuck around, right? Enjoy Terri Firma and Lotta Dinaro, for you will not find your beloved Pussy Galore in this fairly dull short-run series from 1991. If nothing else, it probably helped a generation of kids to ask what the real James Bond was all about and get a crash course in crazy boat chases and Indiana Jones' dad getting a ton of action.
The show did leave us with one awesome artifact, a Ninja James Bond action figure that speaks volumes about the licensed toy market of its day.
2) Baby Looney Tunes
While the readership of this site is likely too old to have watched the show for themselves, maybe your kids forced you to catch it once or twice. This series decided to drop the pretense of being for an audience which has learned to speak -- clearly, the Tiny Toons weren't tiny enough.
Proof positive that America lost her way, because most people in the last 50 years grew up watching stuff like The Rabbit of Seville and Rabbit Seasoning, amazing classics for kids of all ages. Instead, here they are wearing diapers, which is actually somewhat appropriate given the age of the franchise itself. Writing down to your audience is something a number of creative people claim to avoid, but clearly these people did not work on this program. If you ever wanted to see Daffy Duck in a diaper, though, it's totally your lucky day. And you're disgusting.
1) Little Rosie
Do you know the ultimate sign of animation quality? When nobody bothers to pirate your show. That's the kind of love you rarely get the opportunity to see in this Full House fanfic-filled universe, and precisely what happened with Little Rosie.
Roseanne was the biggest sitcom on television in 1990, so naturally someone said "let's take this ball-busting strong woman character and make something for people who can't talk yet." Why watch Mickey Mouse when you can see one of the reportedly most notorious tantrum-throwing stars in sitcomland? A vaguely remembered dialogue sample:
"I'm going to be the Queen of Bagdad." "No, I'm going to be Queen of Bagdad." "But I want to wear the curly-toed shoes!"
Clearly someone got scared at a production meeting and opted out of the prospect of RoseanneTales, as AlfTales was some hot stuff, arguably the greatest show to ever air that featured both Alf and fairy tales. It's assumed that this show's failure cost the world Little Cheers, Mini M.A.S.H., and Golden Girls Tots. Which, arguably, could have been the greatest thing ever.
10 Outrageously Sexual Egyptian Legends
What do you get when you mix sex, religion and copious amounts of free time? No, not televangelism, it’s the freak-sexy messed up world of Ancient Egypt. The logic of an Ancient Egyptian kind of goes like this:
“If something happens that I don’t understand, it’s magic. Also, sex is magic. Sweet, silky magic. Therefore, my junk is responsible for everything mysterious that happens.”
So, we give you the 10 Outrageously Sexual Ancient Egyptian Legends. They’re awesome. It’s weird Egypt is apathetic about Obama.
10. The Creation Of The World Through Self-Pleasure
According to many Ancient Egyptian texts, the God Amun created the world. One version of the story alleges he did this by “jerking off” into the Nile, thus creating his children. This is the clean version. The dirty version involves Amun blowing himself and spitting out his seed. Don’t judge him. If you were an infinitely flexible deity with no one else around and nothing to do, you’d try it.
So, this “spit seed,” it falls on the ground near the fertile banks of the Nile, and children are born. This is one of the most obscene metaphors for “male-female, morally-approved sex” in world history. Indeed, Amun was known as the father of not only the world, but the Gods as well. Let it forever be known that “hedge hogging” is a great way to move up the Ancient Egyptian deity ladder.
9. Set Vs. Horus In A Bugger-Off
The god Horus had a lifelong feud with the god Set. The real reason for this hatred is unclear, but probably had something to do with Set murdering Horus’ father and slicing him into many pieces. Horus and Set’s rivalry grew to such god-normous proportions, it begin to annoy the hell out of the other gods. Needing a resolution, Horus and Set decided to settle their rivalry the manliest way they knew how.
Take a moment to think of the manliest way a bet could be settled. What did you think of? Steel cage match with chainsaws? Both of you get eaten by polar bears, who then get eaten by alligators, who then fight to the death? Whatever you thought of, I bet it wasn’t as “Manly” as Horus and Set’s contest:
Whomever got their semen in the other first would win.
So, Set and Horus tried to have sex with each other. Horus tricked Set into thinking Horus’ fist was his… erm… chocolate star. After collecting Set’s seed in his hand, Horus threw it into the Nile. Then, Horus made Set a sandwich consisting of his favorite vegetable, lettuce (there’s no obscene metaphor, here, it was really a lettuce sandwich). However, Horus added a little of his own “special sauce” to the lettuce. Time came for the other Gods to see who had won this incredibly lame contest. Set claimed to have won, but Horus showed Set’s spunk in the Nile. Horus then showed the gods that his own man-juice was in Set’s stomach. The god’s had a hearty frat house laugh at Set’s expense, then promoted Horace to Intercontinental Champion, or whatever.
8. Menephta Pre-Enacts Sherman’s March, Except with Schlongs
Menephta was an Ancient Egyptian pharaoh who was a battle mastermind not unlike Genghis Khan or Ash from Pokemon. He led a monstrous victory against forces from Libya and someone only referred to as “Sea People.” We assume Aquaman was involved… and slaughtered mercilessly.
Menephta was obviously not content with the battle, which lasted a mere six hours. Needing more bloodshed and/or symbolism, he proceeded to methodically cut off the members of over 13,000 men. Returning home, he brought the entire bounty of “severed heads” with them, presumably creating the freakiest confetti parade in history.
7. Horus’ Mother Necro-Sexes Him Into Existence
You wonder how a god can get as dirty as Horus, who’s mastery of the Set screwing contest proves he’s the Loki of homosexual pranks and practical jokes. The answer is simple: Horus mother was a freak. Horus had the unique fate of being conceived after his father died. According to Egyptian legend, after Set killed Horus’ father, Set took Osiris’ body and chopped it into 14 pieces, probably as a joke.
Not content to magically manifest herself a line of Chippendale’s suitors, Isis found every piece of her dead husband, except one: his penis. In a hilarious twist that prove Ancient Egyptians know how to craft a good dick joke, Osiris penis was eaten by a fish. Creating a “magic penis,” Isis re-assembled Osiris’ body and copulated with it/him/ewww, creating Horus. Rumor has it that when egyptologists deciphered this story from Hieroglyphics on temple walls, they had to take a cold shower for three straight days.
6. All Dongs Go To Heaven
You may be saying to yourself, “Okay, but I bet there’s not another Egyptian legend that involves prosthetic phalli and dead people.” If so, you’re a miserable, stupid jerk. You’re wrong, too. As it turns out, Ancient Egyptians believed that sex was a strong part of the afterlife. So much that mummies were given prosthetic penises and nipples.
The theory behind this was that these artificial parts would be re-animated in the afterlife. That makes sense, as long as you have friends who like you and aren’t practical jokers. Imagine waking up in heaven with a giant giraffe-shaped animal balloon for a unit, or 430 erect nipples.
5. Pharaoh Floods The Nile With His Man-Juice
Imagine there’s a big festival every year, where everyone would celebrate and pray that you could ejaculate. Okay, all that pressure would probably hinder your performance and you would fail, which is why you’re not Pharaoh material. This perverted dream-come-true was a way of life for Pharaohs who followed the God, Min. Every year, a fertility festival would be held. The ejaculation of the current ruler was seen as a necessary event for the Nile to have its annual flood. We’re not sure if this is a direct correlation, but if you can flood the Nile with your fruit juice, you can be in charge.
4. Seven-Hundred-Thousand-Person Orgy because of… some Myth or Something
One day in Ancient Egyptian mythology, the God Sekhmet got really drunk. So drunk she apparently changed into a much mellower God, Hathor. To celebrate this, Egyptians got together by the pyramid-full and had a giant drunken orgy. Like, seven packed college football stadiums worth of them.
Some Egyptian wall paintings even depict drunk revelers puking all over the place (why would you carve puke on your wall? It’s hard enough getting real puke off of walls.) The weirdest part was that the drunk, sexed-out Egyptians wouldn’t sleep in late. Drummers would come and wake everyone up to pray for a year’s worth of protection from the Gods (and maybe a little “morning after” protection, too.)
3. Osiris And His Triple-Phallus
You can always spot Osiris in the restroom because he’s using three urinals at once. You see, Ancient Egypt was full of many people who believed lots of different things, so their was competition to be the head “thing that is believed.” So the mythical Gods constantly one-upped each other. At least, we can only assume this is the case for why Osiris has three huge penises.
You’d think a guy who had three times the junk under his hood would have his pick of all the women in the whole land. Instead Osiris decided he liked making it with a couple of his sisters. It can be surmised that his sisters might have had a reciprocating number organs, if you like surmising about that sort of thing, you sick freak.
2. Sex With A Goat Is Like Sex With A God
In a place called Mendes, the goat was considered to be a manifestation of the God of procreation. So, high priests and priestesses would mate with the goats. Doing so was considered mandatory to ensue a fruitful harvest the following Spring (or at least that’s what all the goat-buggers kept claiming.)
In fact, while researching this all-too-important factoid, our crack investigative team discovered an entire Wikipedia page devoted to human-goat sexual intercourse. We haven’t seen them since.
1. The Earth: Totally Trying To Bone The Sky
According to those who worshiped the God of Earth, Geb, the Earth itself constantly has a giant hard-on pointing directly at the sky. The naught, dirty sky loves it and apparently can’t stop getting busy with the Earth. To further murder any hope of effective symbolism, their father was the air caught in between them while they made it. It sounds gross, until you also deduce that they had the same father… then it becomes repulsive to Eraserhead-like proportions.
Because their father banished them from procreating, the God of Earth just lays there with his Mount Everest throbbing towards the sky. For those of you keeping track at home, anything wide and expansive, like the Nile or the Sky, was just a God’s vagina to Ancient Egyptians.
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